The Boundless blog is a collection of unique voices addressing the issues young adults care about right now – everything from dating and faith to current events.
Listen to this week's show!
Roundtable: College Sweethearts
Is getting married in college a good idea? If you're young and ready to tie the knot, how do you know you're prepared? And what are the challenges that can sometimes be overlooked? Our panel of marrieds shares a realistic picture of getting hitched in college.
Culture: 20-Something Toolbox
Paul Angone just turned 30. As he looked back on his 20s, he realized he learned a lot during that formative decade. And by writing 101 Secrets for Your Twenties, Paul shared what he learned with the world. The book is a fun yet practical list of Things I Wish I Had Known Back Then, complete with frank analysis and witty commentary. Here's a sneak peek.
Inbox: Learning to Lead
There are tons of books about leading a business, but what about a relationship? Where's the guidance for guys who want to be leaders in their dating lives as well as in their future marriages? Counselor Glenn Lutjens gives some resource recommendations.
Note: Here are links to a couple of the resources he recommends in his response:
Each for the Other by Brian Chapell
The Conviction to Lead by R. Albert Mohler, Jr.
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--I've said this before in a previous thread, but one of the most important factors to consider when deciding whether or not to marry young is money. If you can afford to take care of yourselves, that's fine, but if your parents still have to support you after you get married, you're not truly leaving and cleaving. It's unfortunate that society has gotten to the point that most people can't afford to support themselves without a Bachelor's degree, but that's just the way it is.
As for the inbox question, leaders shoulder responsibility, and leaders take initiative. People can fill books with a lot of very well intentioned fluff, but if you're not shying away from responsibility and taking initiative, you're leading. There you go.
Men being responsible for spiritually leading their girlfriends though seems a bit much though. I think a better idea is that we are supposed to encourage our girlfriends spiritually. The role of spiritual leadership is for husbands and wives, and it gets dangerous when you start behaving like you're married before you actually are. Just as too much physical or emotional intimacy is dangerous, so is too much spiritual intimacy.
--For a brief period years ago, I often thought that it would be nice to meet a girl and hook up with her, despite the fact that I had very little money and no clear career path. I really do not know what I was thinking at the time, but in the end, I am so very glad that nothing came of it. I think that marrying young is not the wisest thing, at least for Millennials like me. These times are extremely brutal to the young and inexperienced, and many of us are struggling to find work. In my opinion, those who marry before 25 should at least be financially responsible and able to carve out some kind of living.
I really needed to hear what Paul Angone has to say. I am almost 30 now, and my life is a mess. As an unemployed boomerang child, it is very easy to become discouraged and think that I am all alone in this world, but when I look around and see countless others my age who are also unable to make ends meet and moving back in with their parents, I see that I am one of a large crowd. The only thing that really keeps me going at this point is the fact that there is one who is bigger than all our problems combined who can give us a prosperous future despite the odds. Maybe I should listen to Paul Angone a few more times and drill it into my head.
"I've said this before in a previous thread, but one of the most important factors to consider when deciding whether or not to marry young is money."
I agree with this and not talking frankly about money before tying the knot can be very, very costly. Just see here: (www.youtube.com/watch)
But I'm wondering, which gender should be "more responsible" for bringing home the bacon? I know many Christians say the guy should be the provider referencing 1 Tim 5:8, but given that many women make MORE than men (mainly because they are outpacing guys in college degrees) and many don't want to be a SAHM, how should the decision be made?
I just clicked on the link for "101 Secrets for Your Twenties" and it took me to a page with showed Christian ties for sale. I guess the link might need updating.
Anyone I just turned 30 today. The one thing I can say is that people in their twenties need to realize that life isn't about them. It's not about you finding the perfect spouse - it's about God preparing you to one day take care of someone else in marriage - and their family, and their church, and thier friends and on and on....Also God prepares you for careers to serve Him. I got fired from lots of jobs and it was painful at the time but now I realize that God has put me where I am so I can selflessly serve others. I work at an airport and today I helped a 6 year old Chinese girl find her lost teddy bear. As I get older and older God keeps reminding me that it's not about me - it's about serving others and bring glory to Him.
--@MikeTime, it is definitely something couples should discuss before they get married, and both people should be on board with the plan. If they have dramatically different visions, they probably shouldn't get married. There is a little room for compromise; for instance, some women can run businesses out of their homes, work part-time, or return to work when the kids are older, just to name a few examples. But sometimes there is just no way to compromise; for instance, if the man never wants his future wife to work, and the woman enjoys her career.
--MikeTime: As to which gender is more responsible: that depends on the couple. The traditional breadwinning man and SAHM is the most accepted in today's Christian culture, but as you said women are often have more education and/or earn more, which can make it harder to decide. For my family, I did earn more, which made it easier to go to part-time....my husband and I now earn about the same, although he works more than I do.
You might as well get married early, because our generation is impoverished and kept-down from getting a job.
In the 1930's, 91 in 1,000 single women became married a year. Now, we're at 31 in 1,000. Of those women who get married, the average age is 27, the oldest that it's ever been in the history of the world.
Most of this is due to the fact that women are told that they are not being kind enough to men, that they must accept them in spite of their flaws, not expect them to pay great amounts for courtship, and that sexual activity on a date is a courtesy that they must provide and enjoy.
Many couples cohabitate, or don't even go that far: it's all on the terms of what the man desires to do with the woman, and the woman must love him anyway, or be labeled a slut.
Many Evangelical men prefer this sense of superiority, and so they leave the church for better prospects. What's left are a few men to a great number of women. Men in the church treat women rudely, and with a sense of superiority. They are in no hurry to get married, and often physically experiment with women who are desperate to get married, even if they haven't "crossed the line" or whatever. Women are still told to respect these people.
In every other religion, people are still getting married. This is because people follow rules, because rules are enforced and, keyword, respected. This is true for Catholicism, Islam, etc. When people stop respecting rules, they stop respecting others. There needs to be a massive revolution in Christianity. We don't need young adults' groups named after skate parks in California, and stupid leaders with gel helmet hair. We need good instruction and a crackdown on some of the behavior that the Bible says needs to be dealt with. I'm not going to stay in a religion that won't allow me to marry: it doesn't bear fruit. God must be somewhere else.
I'm so sick of out-of-touch, shallow advise. You don't need to be rich to be married; you need to be committed and you need to be humble.
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