Leaving Space for Someone Else

Leaving Space for Someone Else

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There is nothing like the beginning of a new relationship to remind me how little space I've left in my life for other people. And in that space, there is limited time  the very thing required for a good relationship to grow.

I remember calling my brother during my freshman year of college and talking to him about the possibility of taking on a second major. When he asked if it was necessary for my career, I said no. His advice to me after that was something I still consider to this day  albeit not very well sometimes!

His concern was, "What if you get a boyfriend? You won't have any time to spend with him." Leaving room for "fun" has never been much of a concern for me because I enjoy work. One of my greatest pleasures is writing, and since my career requires much of that and often, my work is my play. I enjoy being busy.

When it comes to my relationships, time is one of my biggest struggles. I have to adjust my mindset from being single to making time and saving energy to invest in someone else at the end of the day. So in my relationships, I find myself rearranging my life a little bit.  Especially when a relationship is long-distance, I have to intentionally carve out time and be unselfish with it.

It's funny how God gifts us to grow. I have a tendency to take on way too much because I love what I do. I find myself with hardly enough time to get things done even when I don't spend much time socializing. I end my days tired and stressed, with little energy left to invest in someone else. But my strongest love language is quality time.

I realized lately that after my last relationship, I kept myself overly occupied so I wouldn't think about the heartache. One of my biggest mistakes was leaving too much room for my significant other that I ended up neglecting myself. So to balance it out afterward, I focused on myself too much and made myself too busy.

I came out of that relationship working only one job, and I entered this one working three. Thankfully, my boyfriend understands the joy I take in work and has patience with me as I figure out my work-life balance. Instead of forcing myself to keep busy during dry spells in dating, it would have benefited me to pray more for God's peace in my circumstances.

I should have worked on being content while leaving room for the possibility of a relationship. Instead, I overworked myself to the point of almost being inaccessible. Now I have to take a few steps back in order to be available and find a balance.

Do you have room in your life for someone else? Even if you aren't currently dating, have you left enough room to allow for the possibility of even meeting a significant other? If you met them today, would you have time in your life for them, or would you have to shuffle things around to make space?

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  • --So...boyfriend, huh?

  • --GrinAndBarrett:

    Yes! :-) Just when everyone was starting to think I don't have realistic expectations, haha. God is good :-)

  • --ha ha

    isn't this a little too soon? after several dates (most likely) already boyfriend?

    Love and serious relationships are not instant, fast-food magically spontaneous.

    Be careful.

  • --Prepare for the wave of, "You rushed into this too fast!" comments!

  • --:P Oh Amy, just think of it as having a whole internet full of doting aunts and uncles looking out for you.  But yeah, this is good advice ;)

  • --Well,

    as some wiser people say

    you can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait

    love don't come easy

    it's a game of give and take....

    or maybe the biblical 1 Cor 13 - most definitely cannot happen within a few dates.

    Just saying....

  • --I'm not sure what you're saying, @Christlike. Are you not supposed to date someone until you two are in love?

  • --GrinAndBarrett:

    And here we go, haha. I understand the valid concerns though!

    Christlike:

    I admit things did progress quickly. We dated for about two weeks and talked pretty heavily before deciding to have a commitment. Aside from that, there's no rush and absolutely no mention of "I love you" this early on. I appreciate that the pursuit was intentional. My last boyfriend left me hanging so long when we started dating that it felt like we were in a relationship when we weren't yet. I had to push for the commitment because I was uncomfortable with the lack of it. That came back to bite me a year and a half later when he decided he wasn't ready (or willing) to even think about marriage in the reasonable future like he'd thought and broke things off.

  • --Good post but to those who have space in there life's for a significant other but they haven't materialized yet still don't take up that space to only use it for yourself. Serve the church and community so that the focus stays other centered rather then self centered. That's a great way to stay selfless so that when some one else walks into your life they are easily included and ones heart doesn't need to re-learn how to care for another. :) God bless.

  • --Man,

    is anything you say on this blog to be twisted?

    Is any person you date your boyfriend????????

    A Date is a date. DAting someone is dating someone.

    A boyfriend is someone you should care for at least, yes. And you cannot care for someone in 2 weeks - sorry Amy. appreciate your honesty, concerns still remain at some level, but it is your bussiness to handle things not ours to give you formulas.

    Blessings!

  • --I don't see why Amy's love life needs so much scrutiny from the online masses unless she specifically asks for it.

  • --I've been reading Boundless for about 3 years, before I had even met my now-husband. I've been refraining from posting comments since the new format appeared, but this post and the comments below it are too important not to comment on. So, here goes:

    @Christlike -- How people use terms like "boyfriend" is up to them. As long as both in a relationship agree what that term means and how it represents their relationship, then it's up to them whether or not they use it. And may I point out that Amy did not say that she knew this guy 2 weeks before they became bf/gf--they DATED for that long. Please stop making assumptions on how much two people can care for each other when you are unaware of the details of their history, conversations, and personal lives. Advice on Amy's relationship should be left to mentors and close friends in her life who actually know her and the context in which this relationship is blossoming. She has no responsibility to give the details of her life and how she made decisions to the public, so who are we to question her judgment?

    @Amy -- I don't know you so I can't give advice about your relationship (which you didn't even ask for in this post, haha-it's been hijacked so quickly!), but I just want to encourage you in that from what you've written it seems you truly are seeking after God and including him in your decisions about relationships, so trust Him. Relationships CAN happen pretty quickly, and although we continually learn to love the person the more we get to know them and our esteem for them deepens, that's not to say that the "earlier" love and care are any less real. So hush all the advice-givers and focus on the Lord and on the relationship before you.

    Lastly, on the topic of the blog itself--I agree 100% that it is important to leave time in your life for someone else. If you do have time but don't have this "someone" yet, then perhaps a great thing to do would be to fill that time in ways that are flexible should that "someone" arrive in your life. You don't have to stop living life to make yourself available for relationships, but you also don't want to seem so busy that potential candidates see you as unavailable. That said, even if you are very busy (like I was when I began dating my now husband), you can speak directly to your availability by accepting offers to go out, participating in church activities, and talking in a way that communicates that you DO have some time and that you're not a workaholic/achievementholic/volunteerholic/etc.

  • --MikeTime: totally fair. ;) It's all part and parcel of the whole blogger bit, though ;) This is why I don't blog!

  • --Son of a biscuit! Mrs. Larijani, nice to see you again :)

  • --Is there a point to these comments? All I see is twisted words and meanings, rudeness, insults etc.

    Yes, she said she DATED for 2 weeks. that simply does not qualify as boyfriend.

    But hey, you can call it anything you like, misL: even living together you can call it marriage, or 2 homosexuals you can call it family, right? In postmodernism, there are no absolutes, you define your own words and meaning.

    Amy, apologize. Don;t share your personal life if you are not ready for a feedback.

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