Don't Be "That Guy" this Valentine's Day

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Don't Be "That Guy" this Valentine's Day

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When it comes to the 14th of February, the one thing I don't want to be referred to is this:


"That guy."


You know who "That guy" is...


At worst, he's the guy who forgets about Valentine's Day altogether, at least until he gets to the office and is reminded when he sees all the red and the flowers and boxes of heart-shaped candy on the desks of his female colleagues.


He's the guy who waits until 6 PM on Valentine's night and stops off at the supermarket to try and fulfill his obligation. He can usually be seen, dazed and confused, examining the picked-over flowers and chocolates near the bananas.


He's the guy who buys the card, but just signs his name to it, figuring the stranger at Hallmark must know what his beloved wants to hear better than he does.


He's the guy who may ignore the holiday altogether, citing some contrivance or conspiracy of greedy capitalists. "We don't need one day to acknowledge our love when we do so the other 364," he might say, feeling pretty smug.


He's the guy who ignores his wife all week, instead sitting in the glow of the lights of ESPN's “Sportscenter,” but expects her to suddenly become romantically inclined because he is.


He's the guy who buys his wife a vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day.


Don't be "That guy!"


But wait. Am I setting the bar too high?


I have to admit - years ago, I was guilty of being "That Guy." I forgot about Valentine's Day until a friend reminded me about it - halfway through it! It wasn't a pretty scene. 


But I've been trying to sand my rough edges and in the years since, I've attempted to show my love for Jean each Valentine's Day by cooking a special meal for her. I pull out the candles and the table cloth. I try to find a recipe that she'll love almost as much as I love her.


Of course, in the process, I run the risk of being "That guy" too, as in, "That guy who almost burned down his house, nearly poisoned the family and caused his wife to ban him from the kitchen."


But it's a risk I'm willing to take. :)


What are your plans or traditions for Valentine's Day? What's your most memorable February 14th? Wives, I want to hear from you, too!


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  • Why is it the guy who has all the responsibility for making Valentine's Day romantic? Where is the post warning the women not to be "that wife?"

  • in response to "anonymous":  because in most circles, "that wife"  doesn't exist.  february 14th is usually wired into our dna.

  • If "That guy" would get off his derriere and out from in front of the TV some other time besides when he wanted sex: help his wife do some of the work around the house, and treat her like a human being whose opinions are worthy of being heard instead of a unpaid housekeeper who works a second job and pays half the bills, he might have a chance. Oh, and I think you can guess what he'll get her for Valentines Day.

  • we actually have a time with our kids on Valentine's Day in which we use the Fondue pot. I get my wife and daughter a card and either flowers or some present. My wife and I will go out alone on the 20th the day of our first date, that's our Valentine's day.

  • Valentine's Day is a mutual responsibility to both husband and wife.  Everyone wants to feel loved!  Yes, the man should be not only the head of the home but the example as well.  When, he is not, ladies, don't hold all of those "to do lists" against Him.  Show him unconditional love.  After all, how many times has God forgiven you for you not doing "your part?"  



  • sorry, i have "That guy" ,the one who signs his name and stops at the supermarket, who  spent hundreds of dollars on red roses when i rather have orange or yellow (my favorite flower: daisy ...he knows now.    Maybe you should say "That guy on valentine", I hear some of the ladies say "valentines" is any day at need for the special one day a year...Think about get to be special twice a yr....valentines and betweeenn...welll...sad but true

  • I must admit that sometimes my husband brings me roses the day after Valentine's Day, and I don't mind, because we are both cheap and we wait until they are marked down!  :-)

  • Agree with anonymous.  Why does it have to be the guy?  Isn't it about love?  Doesn't that go both ways?  Isn't your article perpetuating the misconception that relationships revolve around one or the other person?  Not successful relationships anyway.  Shame on the women/man who is expecting something. Women are no more the center of a marriage than a man:  GOD is.  If He is, then you will never be that guy or gal.  Signed, Trying to love love my husband but not always as I should.

  • What about 50 year old single guys who have never been married?

  • I could care less about Valentine's Day - my husband and I celebrate the anniversary of the first time we held hands and the day he proposed to me - they are meaningful and have significant memories attached to them.  we do like chocolate but I definitely get the day after when it is marked down !!

  • My wife and I have a tradition of going to the supermarket at about midnight (when they've marked all the candy down) and we give ourselves a modest budget and 15 min to get everything we want for each other (making sure to communicate where we are in the store so we don't bump into each other).  I put her stuff in the back seat and when she's done she puts mine in the trunk and we "surprise" each other when we get home.

    Also, every Valentine's morning, I make her heart-shaped strawberry-chocolate chip pancakes and breakfast in bed.

    I'm big on creating traditions that she can look forward to.  But I always have a real surprise planned somewhere in between our two traditions to keep her on her toes and show her that I care about her enough to think through a way to make her happy.

  • i usually get into some trouble by offering to give everyone i meet a "kiss" for valentines day, a chocolate kiss, bittersweet of course, ha! thanks for the encouragement to share some of God's love tomorrow. after all isn't everyday with God a "valentines day" of His love for us. real! wally<><

  • Haha, it's our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, and my husband has already used the "We don't need one day to acknowledge our love when we do so the other 364" line.  In his defense though, he does show me that he loves me everyday- bringing home my favorite dessert, doing the dishes for me, texting me during the middle of the day to tell me that he loves me.  Honestly, I'd rather have him continue doing what he does on a daily basis than to focus all of his romantic sensibilities on one day. :)